Cardiff

It was November, last year if I recall well and I was off to south Wales for a couple of days...you know...that kind of feeling when you really want to detach yourself from the small city life and enjoy bits and pieces of places you never been before.

It was 5:45 AM and I was just about to finish my 3rd Marlboro fag. Didn't smoke in ages but that morning for some reason I felt like doing so.Could feel the tobacco fragrance piercing into my lungs and then its up climbing warmth scraching my throat, being exhaled at the very end like a long grey line of ash.

Empty streets.

Had a blast the night before and I had almost forgotten all the essential things that had happened.I was asking if I was sober.Yes, I was. Didn't drink much. Ok, maybe a stout or two...but that ain't much.Not when you're 22...because "none of us would fail in this life, not when you're young".HAHAHA

Was still singing the Take That tune with the headphones pleasing my ears...but something was far from normal.

Head wasn't aching, but my kidneys were hurting me a bitch. No paracetamol in my left pocket.'the fuck I put it?I could sworn I put 3 pills in my pocket 4 days ago just before leaving the small city where I live.

Felt like puking...f*ck...was still too early to go to the train station, but that was too far, man.Everything was so far that morning.

 Then I remembered that a young lady was peeing in the middle of the street just a night before and was still envisaging her cheeks turning red when I asked her why doing it?

"Because I am pregnant", she said. And I LOL'd just a few steps behind her.

Was rude.

I looked above and saw the rolling seagulls making those specific noises that one cannot label them as disturbing or not.You cannot decide...that's why i love the sound.Because it makes you question and it gives you that "donno if I love it or not but fuck I find it nice" kind of feeling.

And yeah, today I heard the seagulls rolling up above once again.

And I remembered how much I miss Cardiff.

But the kidneys didn't hurt anymore .

Pain was gone.

Sometimes you wish you would you had...the balls

Yeah, that's what you're being telling yourself on a regular basis but at the end of the day you realize all on a sudden that you never had the guts to do so...
Nor did I...neither did them, the others...those you're still afraid of.Although you are pretty convinced "the others" won't bite you cuz you're a grown man now, you're still afraid.Is it normal?You've been living with an inner terror every now and then.Don't try to justify your darn stupid behaviour.I'm good at reading folks and can read you as quickly as a blink of an eye.

People don't bite.
People won't approach you unless you give them a fair amount of signs to do so.
People don't care but they can learn all the most important things about self reliance and all those odds and ends.
People are victims and so are you.Assume it.Live with it.In the long run, it's your own Hell, isn't it?!
But wait a minute...why this need to overthink everything to the point you're somehow ready to proclaim yourself a martyr of your epoch and at that magic point yo're expecting the others to erect a white marble statue and maybe start to worship it afterwards?Wouldn't that be just sweet?
LOL.
You know what, doc?It seems to me like drama doesen't sell very good nowadays.So, would you kindly fuck off?Would you?Huh?
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